Forgive

November 13, 2023

It has been hard for me to find any clarity on this situation amidst the tumult of emotions. I find my heart ripped open again and again. I find myself sometimes too stuck to let the tears fall. Too confused to know which way to walk. Unsure of whether I need to take a step at all.

The last words of a friend's writing ring in my heart…..

By Leila Baron: “And there is no difference between there and here as there is, perhaps, no difference between our innocents and theirs Except that we are condemned No matter what we do And they have no power No agency To do. This time, This time We have agency. And they tell us to lay down our arms To hope for the best To do nothing Because there are all these people, young children In the line of fire We try to shove them away These shrieking men shove them back in Daring us Knowing we lose either way Knowing That we’ve already lost And that they Who care for nothing but our destruction Have absolutely nothing to lose.”

And here we face an enemy that has nothing to lose. That wields its children as weapons. These shrieking men who shove them back in...knowing we lose either way.

And that is where we now stand. Knowing we lose either way. Because this war cannot be won on this battlefield. It cannot be won with strategy or bombs or international diplomacy. It does not matter any longer if it was our land or their land. If the “Palestinian Problem” was one of our creation or the creation of others who wanted to see us fail. Blame is not a solution. There is no winning in war, not when you have to bare the scars of killing on your soul. Justified or not. Is it even possible to keep an open heart when your hands pump metal into the bodies of other humans? Is it even possible to keep your heart open when you have to look in the eyes of men who were once children who now slaughter children in their own beds and say I am so sorry but we cannot let you live anymore?

Because we have to fight. Like the fate of a person standing facing two bad choices, wondering how they got there, as time presses down upon them. Knowing knowing knowing deep in their heart that while clarity still eludes, one who has two bad choices cannot ignore the part to play they had in reaching such a desperate crossroads.

So what do we do when there seems to be no way forward? When black tears at white and white tears right back? When the mind has exhausted itself? When every word, every action seems to just make it worse.

And the answer rings. Forgive.

Because forgiveness is what splits opposites. It is what creates potential for new life, for possibilities that cannot yet be seen. It is what will win this war. Because the only true winners is when there are no losers. Forgiveness is what frees the heart, releases shame, and allows for clarity to return. Forgiveness is what relaxes the shoulders, calms the mind, and cools the belly. It is what allows us to sit peacefully, walk softly, and sing loudly. Forgiveness is what allows us to stop hiding, from our imperfections, from our doubt. Forgiveness is not a gift we give others but ourselves. The ego thinks that if it forgives it loses, that nothing will change. But Forgiveness will light our way and it is where our true courage will be tested.

And so I pray for forgiveness. And I ask you to forgive. To forgive us for what we are doing and have done. For the bombs we drop that kill children. To forgive them for what they have done and continue to do. To forgive and forgive and forgive for all that will be done until the very last breath we draw upon this earth. And most importantly, to forgive yourself. To taste of the great expansiveness that is your birthright and the birthright of every human being on this earth. I beg of you. And if forgiveness cannot come now while blood is still fresh upon the earth, then forgive yourself for needing that time.

Because this war cannot be won on this battlefield. Right now we must fight, yes. But our courage is not only in our fight. It is in the softness in our hearts that may be here now or may come later, when we breath deeply and say in soft humility, I forgive.